Stop Paying Lars Ulrich

Rock Band downloadable content is off to a flying start. A really tremendous, tiger-crane / shaolin-style / cable-assisted flying start. Although they offer a shockingly high number of songs as both individual purchases and discounted bundles’o'three already, we haven’t even seen the promised full albums yet (Nirvana’s Nevermind plz.) Which brings us to my dire warning for all of you.

According to GameSpot (by way of Kotaku), EA/Harmonix have flogged approximately 2.5 million DLC tracks for Rock Band so far. We’re talking big, big slices of cheddar.

The most popular ones? The Metallica pack is #1.

Take a moment to let that sink in, like the barbed needle of spirit-crushing reverse-affirmation that it is.

Garlic Marinating Christ, people. Metallica. They who sued the Napster in the days of yore? It’s not even a band anymore, it’s a fucking law firm. They’ve sued almost every man, woman and dog on earth. I implore you, do not send them any more money by buying their DLC tracks for Rock Band or Guitar Hero. You are literally making the world a stupider place, and worse.


2 responses to “Stop Paying Lars Ulrich”

  1. Ha ha ha! Genius.

    Does anyone else find it deliciously appropriate that ironic that their biggest album is called “Kill ‘Em All”?

    I could also propose “Make ‘Er Stop”.

    Or “Do Not Want”.

    Or “Hey Friendless Shut-In! Listen to This Shitty Quartet of Mouth-Breathing Fuck-Knobs!”

    Or “Lobotomize Lars…Oh Wait, Someone Beat Us To It”.

  2. They used to be cool. Kill ‘em All (which was their first, and very far from their biggest, album) was going to be called Metal Up Your Ass, but the record execs made them change it. The “All” in the title refers to the record industry. I’m not defending what they’ve turned into. In addition to the lawsuits, they can be held largely responsible for nu-metal, black nail polish on guys, and the like.

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